Publisher: twinger      Volume No.  3      Issue No 7        Date  May 6, 2004

When I was pregnant with Reid, my second child, I remember pondering the ensuing change in family dynamics that would be brought on by Ryan’s new sibling. If the child was a boy, my fear was that they would fight like my brothers did when I was growing up. As I am sure most of you know, the relationship between boys in no way compares to that of girls. The part of their relationship that upsets me the most is the physical fighting. I did not want any part of this in our family. Ryan is 17 and Reid is 16 and they have shared the same room for their entire lives. As far as I knew, they have coexisted in relative peace. On a recent Saturday they went with some friends to play golf. After a few hours they came home. It struck me as funny that they came home so soon, but neither of them acted as though anything was wrong. Gruver is a small town, population 1200, so nothing stays secret for very long. I have told my children that my prayer for them is that when, and if, they are naughty that they will be caught. Several days later they came to me and said “Mom, we need to talk”. It turns out that “the brothers”, as we call them, had had an altercation at the golf course. It was bad enough that it had been talked about around town, and they were worried that I was going to find out before they had a chance to come clean. The way I understood it, one of them used a golf club against the other. The resulting bruise was large and still very painful. They thought I might need to be told in case the injury was serious. It horrified me to realize that “the brothers” were fighting just like my brothers did. I was discussing this with Davin and he asked me to consider the current relationship between my brothers. They are good friends and there doesn’t seem to be any long term scars from their past battles. I still don’t like it, and may never understand it, but I see his point. The new Winger family rule for this type of fighting is: No weapons.


After thinking about this incident for a few weeks, I reexamined my relationship with my sisters. I was the oldest and, when I was growing up, I had my own room for a time. My mom had twin girls when I was 10, so I had to share my room with my sister Laura. She was about 4 years younger than me and she and I were VERY different. She had blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. She was very pretty and slim. She had awesome clothes, and she took very good care of her things. I was jealous of Laura in every way. The only thing I could criticize her about was her nose. I told her that she had a nose like a can opener, and I said it every time I wanted to hurt her. I am ashamed of the awful way that I treated Laura but, like my brothers, I think she would consider me her friend today. I am sure that she bears scars, as I do regret, but we have made peace with our past.


If you were to ask my brothers about particular fights they had growing up, I don’t know that they could recall any one of great consequence. If you ask Laura about what I thought about her growing up, I guarantee she would tell you about her can opener nose. I wonder which of us wielded the more painful weapon?



James 1:26    If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.


James 3:5-10   Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.

About dwinger

Former farmer, now college instructor
This entry was posted in Catholic, Children, Family, Listening for God, Marriage, Mary Teague Mail, Prayer and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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