Publisher: dwinger Volume No. 3 Issue No 24 Date Nov. 4, 04
“What’s going on inside of me? I despise my own behavior. It only serves to confirm my suspicion that I am still a man in need of a Savior.” dc Talk from the son “In the Light.”
St. Paul says the same thing but in a slightly different way in the book of Romans chapter 7. “We know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold into slavery to sin. What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate… For I take delight in the law of God, in my inner self, but I see in my members another principle at war with the law of my mind, taking me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Miserable one that I am! Who will deliver me form this mortal body? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Therefore, I myself, with my mind, server the law of God but, with my flesh, the law of sin.”
How can I be a follower of God and have all these bad thoughts and feelings? How can I claim to be a believer of Jesus Christ and be more concerned with myself and how I feel than with others and how they feel? Why is it that we hurt most the ones we love?
This battle is being waged in me daily this war of flesh and spirit. I see it waging all around, but the war inside me is the one that occupies me the most. When the battle is being fought on the battleground of prayer the spirit is stronger. But when the battleground is other than prayer the flesh is surely in more of control. Prayer is hard.
The last part of St. Francis of Assisi’s Instrument of Peace speaks to me most at this time. On divine master, grant that I might not seek to be consoled but to console, to be understood but to understand, to be loved but to love. For it is in giving that we receive, pardoning that we are pardoned, dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.